Thank you

Every challenge in week one of this is about being grateful for what you have. And one of the greatest things that I have in my life are my friends and family.  My husband is probably the most steadying force I have in my life right now.  He and I have been through just about everything together. And I can't imagine anyone being a better fit for my life than him.  I have three beautiful children who keep me on my toes at all times. But who are also some of my best friends.  Shane knows just how to make me laugh. Matt will still give me a  hug daily, and Amanda will dance around and be silly with me. They keep me young and happy.  My beautiful sister is always there to listen when I need to gripe, to pick me up when I fall down, and to just help in any way she can. I love her to pieces and I don't tell her that enough.  I have an awesome brother who helps to keep the family together with dinners and fun plans. My dad is always up to assist in any way he can. I know if I need him all I have to do is pick up the phone. I have nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, and cousins. All just a phone call away. And I appreciate that I am so close to my family, not only my immediate but also extended.

I have some of the very best friends in the world.  In fact the people that I consider my best friends I don't really consider friends so much as an extension of my family.   Bobby has been there every time I needed someone to talk to over the last few years. He's listened to me complain, cry, and carry on. And he always tells me "It'll be fine." And I think that's the biggest reason I love talking to him. Because he's always so sure that whatever it is, it will be fine.  Nina will check in with me no matter how busy her life is. She always wants to make sure that I am doing ok. Jessica and I have been friends for about 7 years and she's the same way. She's one of those friends that it doesn't matter if you haven't spoken to her in 6 months. Within two minutes of starting a conversation you are carrying on like it hasn't been a day since you last spoke.  Claudia is my little cheerleader in my weight loss battle. No matter how many times I mess up, or how much I want to give up she's always there telling me to keep going. That I can do it.  And Glynn is the stoic quite one who doesn't talk much, but I enjoy our conversations all the same.  

I love you guys, all of you. And thanks for being here for me. We've been through a lot. And I hope to carry you with me through the many more ups and downs I'm sure I'll have in my life.  And hopefully I can be there for you as well. 

The A - Zs of Thankfulness

Authenticity, apples - which are quickly becoming my favorite fruit, and  adorable little boys

Being a mom - the best job I've ever had, best friends who keep me grounded, beautiful sunsets, brothers, and good books 

Chocolate - who isn't thankful for chocolate?, Curious George cause those adorable boys will sit still for George, and cousins - even though the drive us crazy sometimes, we still remember our times with them fondly.

Daddy- who taught me what a man should be, devotions to keep me sane and grounded, and deviled eggs - cause thanksgiving dinner wouldn't be complete without them

Energy - because I've seen what life without the energy to live is like

Family, friends, freedom

Grace  and giving - because it makes me feel good

Hubby - my soul mate, he makes my life complete and home - there's no place like it.

Integrity, Inspiration, Imagination 

Jesus, Joy 

Kisses, keepsakes - that make me feel closer to mom, and kindness

Love, laughter, learning 

Music, mommy-and-me dates, and  those in the military - for giving so much for my freedom

New days and new friends

Ocean, opportunities

Pictures, prayers, and pets - Gracie who was mama's constant companion. Preacher, who still talks just like her. The dogs here that all came from her.

Quotes that inspire me and quilts to snuggle up in

Roof over my head, rainy days, the ring on my finger and what it represents 

Senses, sunny days, sisters, and snuggles

Tears that heal, time that does the same, and travel 

Umbrellas which keep me dry on the rainy days and God's unfailing love

Vehicle which carries me everywhere, vacations that help me rejuvinate, and voting - because women couldn't always

Water - not every one has access to clean, fresh drinking water, a sense of wonder when you see things through a childs eyes again, and wind that cools on a hot summer day 

"x" the little mark that means something is done on a list, like this one, almost finished ;)

Years I have lived and all I've learned from them, yesterdays that make me thankful for tomorrows, and yearning which keeps me always moving forward.

Zumba - I hate it, but it did give me and my sister some good laughs :), Zeal to live not just exist, and ziploc bags in the freezer full of goodies from our garden.

grat·i·tude ˈgratəˌt(y)o͞od/

noun

1.

the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.

In my last post I said that I wanted to start doing one challenge every November. Well since this is the month we Americans celebrate Thanksgiving. I decided that would be the perfect place to start.  For the month of November, I will be doing the Gratitude Challenge. Some of these posts may be really short. And some of them may be really long.  But there is one thing they will all have in common, gratitude.

Going through the last couple of years has taught me that I have a lot to be thankful for in my life.I try to count my blessings often. But sometimes I get caught up in my own self-pity and begin to get a case of they "Why me, Lord?" blues. It's in those moments I try to take a look at the world around me and remember it could always be worse. And that's what I hope to accomplish with this challenge. I want to snap myself out of the mopey mood I've been in since June and count my many blessings.   

Tidbits Episode 4

I know I know, you're probably thinking, really? A tidbits? Didn't we just do one of those? Well yeah, we did.  But then I took a super long break to mope a bit and feel sorry for myself. And to rest and relax and get my brain working again and so now I'm back and will hopefully be posting regularly again (cross your fingers, and heck your toes too!).

~ So I finally finished the challenge during my time away and it went bad.  I did end up finishing fairly strong. I avoided soda and junk food at the end. But I did it for about a week and a half instead of 20 days. And I am currently not craving soda.  Or junk food really but I still find myself reaching for it entirely too much. 

~ I've recently purchased a pair of decent shoes so I'm trying to start walking every day. I'm failing, but I'm trying. At this point I am walk/running about a mile and a half a week. Which I usually do all in one day..  Yeah, I gotta work on that. And with it getting dark earlier I'll have less time to get out and walk. So I gotta stop making excuses and sitting on my butt and start moving.  

~I've gotten used to my daughter being out of the house and I'm doing better with only seeing her once in a while. I miss her like freaking crazy.  But I think we're better now than we ever have been.  I actually got to see her for a few minutes today and that was nice.  

That face lol <3 

~ With winter around the corner I'm finally starting on some of the outside jobs I've been wanting to do around here forever. I HATE snakes. I mean I loathe them. And we have a building in the back yard that is overflowing with junk. And I mean that literally.  I have put off cleaning it out because I'm afraid of what I'm going to find digging through all of that mess. It started out all nice and organized. And then more and more stuff was added and eventually mess started falling over and pretty soon we didn't even care lol. So this winter my goal is to get that mess out of here. I don't care where it goes but it can't stay here. I want my building back!  

~ We will also be doing some odd jobs in and around the house which I'm sure I'll take pics of and update you all with ;)  But those will be done as money and time allows so don't expect anything too soon or quickly.

~ In an effort to get back into the swing of blogging I'm declaring November "Challenge Month".  My goal is to do a challenge every November, starting this year since, well  ya know, I'm out of practice.  :)  

In loving memory

I apologize for the delay in my post. We had another loss in the family and I've been dealing with that and the feelings it brought back to me. In memory of those I've lost in the last year and a half.

"Uncle" Pat - July 2012

Pat passed away a little over a year ago.  She was an amazing woman, and my sister-in-law.  When my children were little they couldn't keep Aunt and Uncle straight. So they called her "Uncle" Pat and her husband "Aunt".  The moniker stuck and from that point forward she was Uncle Pat to every kid around her. She was my husbands best friend and confidant and her loss for him was much like the loss of my mother was for me.  Their childhood was not ideal and they only really had each other to lean on.  Through trials and separations they remained close.  She helped hubby through the loss of their brother. His first and closest friend, the one he'd been through everything with. And then she came back into his life again shortly before the death of their father.  She was his rock, and mine too. She had a quick smile and an even faster wit. She doted on her grandson and kept us all laughing with her silly jokes.  And we miss her greatly.

Uncle Danny - September 2013

Maybe you recognize the lady in this picture. That is my Aunt and her husband Danny. I swear that woman amazes me with her strength. After losing my mother barely three months ago her husband died suddenly.  Uncle Danny had fought a long illness and one of my biggest regrets is that I didn't visit them more often.  I remember him much younger than this, with curly blond hair. They had bought my cousin a horse for something, her birthday maybe? And he was trying to "break" it. I can see him clear as day in my mind. On the back of that horse and it bucking wildly. In my memory I'm laughing at the sight. But I don't remember if I was actually laughing at the time or just terrified that he was going to get killed. He didn't, and he did tame the horse.   I remember us going to their house once because they had a pig we were going to slaughter. I remember bits of this, not an entire picture.  I remember seeing a bunch of grown men chase a pig around the yard because it had escaped. Or maybe it was in the pen. I'm really not sure. But it's a funny memory and still makes me smile. When I think of Uncle Danny that's how I'll remember him, wild and free. He always made me think he stepped out of some macho movie. He was Chuck Norris to me before I knew who Chuck Norris was.   I thought he could do anything.

Mama - June 2013

What can I say about mama that I haven't said already? I miss her so terribly bad. I look at pictures of her and I cry. Because I can't go sit and chat with her. I try not to think about it. My way of dealing with the entire situation is just to pretend it did not happen. And then there are those moments when I am forced to face the facts. And they are hard. I swallow the lump in my throat and force myself not to think. To not fall into this abyss that is looming at my feet. I know she is in a better place. I know that she is no longer in pain, and she was in so much pain. I know that she is no longer short of breath or struggling in any way. I want her here. I want her to be better here with me.

The one crappy part about life is that sooner or later you have to say goodbye to the people you love. Whether it be saying goodbye to a loved one who has gone on before you. Or maybe your time is looming and you're saying your final goodbyes.   The only thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that one day we'll meet again in heaven. By the grace of God and the forgiveness of Christ Jesus, one day...

Could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy; and you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields. ~ Khalil Gibran

BLEGH!

How is the challenge going? you ask.  Well....

Yup, that great.  I'm two weeks into the challenge and I swear it feels like I'm a complete failure at this.  In the two weeks that I've been doing it I've had about 3 cans of soda. That's the 12-oz cans. We had soda with us while camping and I drank two. And then the rest is just me sipping on soda when charlie picks one up while we're out and about. Considering that I was having 2-3 10 oz glasses of soda every day I suppose that is an accomplishment. Considering that the challenge was to have none.. well there ya go.  As far as the sweets go I'm doing about the same on that. I go days without anything and then one of the boys will bring something home. And there goes the diet. We also went camping this past weekend which was a blast, but let's be honest. If I am sitting there watching people make S'mores, I'm gonna be making them two. And eating them.

So where are we at? We're aggravated with ourself. That's where we're at.  I just keep asking myself, is this it Jules? Is this who you want to be? Really? This is all you're willing to do? This is as hard as you're willing to try? If I continue down this road it's a pretty sure bet I won't see 80. Probably not even 70.   I'm at a higher risk for heart disease, stroke, diabetes, cancer. I'm killing myself with food as surely as a smoker does with a cigarette. And I'm apathetic to it. I want to change.. just as long as I don't have to actually change. As long as I can continue to eat what I want, drink what I want, and do what I want.  As long as I don't have to do anything different at all. Then heck yea, lets change.  

The frustrating part is I DO want it. I DO want to change. And mixed in with these bad days are some good days. But all I can focus on are my failures. And even when I eat something that isn't on my forbidden list I still beat myself up.  "Pizza for dinner? You freaking slob. You can't even get one thing right."   Uh, hello. Pizza is allowed. And it isn't as if I ate an entire pizza. I ate 1 slice. But oh no, that's a no no. I shouldn't have eat that. And that starts me onto the whole "Well you've already screwed up. No reason to try now" path.  I swear I feel like I am stuck in an endless loop of attempts and screw ups. Like this is as good as I am ever going to be. This is as good as it gets.  

photo credit: Monroe's Dragonfly via photopin cc

I feel ya buddy.. I feel ya.