Merry Christmas Mama

As Christmas draws ever nearer my days get longer and harder to deal with. Mama was born December 24th.  She was a Christmas Eve baby and I can't remember ever really celebrating her birthday with her. Of course we all would wish her happy birthday. And we would give her a gift when we were able. But there were no parties, no family dinners. It was always just lumped in with Christmas celebrations. How sad is that?  I regret that now, though I never gave it another thought then.  And I'm sure that she didn't either.

Christmas was mamas favorite time of the year.  She loved it. When she was still healthy and able the phrase "deck the halls" doesn't even begin to touch what she did. Mandy Lou always said that it looked like Santa puked all over the place lol. She decorated every tree she had in the yard. She would have a huge wreath hanging on the side of her house. Every single surface would be covered in tinsel and decorations. And when the day came she loooved the presents. Her greatest joy was watching the kids open theirs. And our greatest joy was watching her open hers. No matter what you gave mama she cried lol.  I remember one Mothers day we made her a DVD and gave it to her inside a box of tissues. We knew she'd need them. But you could give her anything and it could have been given the same way, with a box of tissues.  She loved the personal gifts the best. Things that you didn't necessarily buy but that you took the time to make for her. A letter, a card, a drawing; she loved and saved them all.

My Christmas spirit isn't gone, just running from me. I still love the holiday. I am anxiously looking forward to my kids opening their gifts.  But I find myself crying more, wishing she were here more often. All holidays may be difficult, but this will be the hardest for me. Because I always associated Christmas with mama. To me she embodied the very spirit of Christmas. And with her gone it's really hard to catch it.

I love you mama, Merry Christmas.

An apology and the finisher~

First off let me say that I'm sorry it has taken me so long to finish this gratitude challenge. The holidays have been especially challenging this year and there are times when I just don't feel like posting anything. And the last couple of weeks have been one of those times.  I've decided rather than try to keep up with any schedule of posting for now I will just post when I want to post.  That way when I'm feeling down I don't feel the added pressure of trying to post.  K?  k




The last week of the thankfulness challenge is titled Be grateful for who you are. Rather than try and break these down individually I figured I'd just attack this one thing head on and post 5 reasons I am grateful for who I am.  This should be good.. (said with a note of sarcasm)

1.  I am glad that I have a (mostly) positive outlook. No matter what happens in my life I can usually find the good in it.

2.  I am thankful for my face and hair. Though I'm not entirely thrilled with my face right now because of the weight gain I'd experienced since my mom died I do like it. I like my eyes especially.

3.  I'm thankful for my health. As I age more aches and pains crop up than I thought were possible.. I mean heck, I'm only 39.  But even so I am so very blessed. I have all of my limbs, my senses. I have full use of all of my faculties.

4. I am grateful for my attitude. I guess this kinda goes along with the first one. But I'm not only an optimist. I try not to force anyone else to have my opinion. Instead I try to live my life in such a way that they'll ask "What makes her different?"  And then I can tell them :)

5. I'm grateful for my family, both immediate and extended, by blood and by choice. Because they make me who I am today.

Day 12 - 14

Day 12 was about having a positive outlook on life. I try really hard to do this anyways but I really do fail quite often. It's the little things that irritate me, and sometimes it's nothing at all.  Have you ever had one of those days where you're just snappy and peckish but you can't figure out why?  I have those. The kind of days that I snap at everyone around me and my family spends the day asking "Are you mad at me?"  I've been trying harder to stop being that way. If I catch my self being snappy or hateful I reign it in and ask myself why I am upset.  And if I don't have a reason, well then it is time for me to get over myself. I won't say I've mastered this positive outlook thing, but I'm definitely getting better. The next challenge was to pick three family members and view their actions and gestures through a positive lens. Since this felt like the same thing as the day before I'm lumping them together.

And the final day in the week of being grateful for everything around you is simply to tell how this challenge has changed you. I haven't really enjoyed this week as much as the first because I feel like I try to be thankful about everything I have on a daily basis already.  But one thing I did realize was just how often I nitpick and needle and gripe about silly things. I really want to try and move past that and just be grateful for every person in my life. And not worry about what I perceive their flaws to be. Because Lord knows I have enough of those myself.

Thank you Notes and more

Sometimes in the hustle and bustle of life we assume that people know that we appreciate them. But it's always nice to hear it.  So today I'm going to write a few people a little thank you to let them know what they mean to me.  I won't be posting these here because this is a personal thing that I prefer to keep between me and them. But I encourage you to do the same.  Think about your life, is there someone who is always there to help you out? A shoulder you know you can lean on in times of need?  People who you are grateful to have in your life but haven't actually told them so in a while? Take a minute today and send a little note of thanks to that person.  Sometimes a thank you can make the whole world seem brighter.

By Flickr user vistamommy [CC-BY-2.0], via Wikimedia Commons

 I think I already covered this one in the first week. So let me just take a moment to thank some of those I didn't cover then.  Thank you Emily for always being silly and sweet and making me smile. Thank you Drew for being a voice of reason and an open ear anytime I need to chat.  Thank you Ashley for being a sweet heart and sharing so openly with me.  And thank you to everyone else I know because you are all awesome people and I am glad you're in my life.

By Aravind Sivaraj (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0], via Wikimedia Commons

I am not exactly sure what I'm supposed to write about (this grattitude challenge is kinda bogus y'all. I feel like I'm writing about the same things over and over).  But the things I've seen today that I am glad I could see are: smiles, nature, my family.

I do this daily, because Logan is always here and it's easy to see everything through his eyes. He's a little bundle of joy and energy. So I am grateful for the time I get to spend with the little wild man. Soon he'll be off to school and that time will be over. 

Day 6 & 7

Sorry for the non-post yesterday. My beautiful daughter brought home the stomach bug and the whole house decided to share it. And yesterday was my day, YAY! /sarcasm

Day six was to call someone you haven't spoken with in a while and tell them how much you appreciate them.  I haven't done it yet honestly, still recuperating. I'll take care of that tomorrow and update my post when I do :)

I am eternally grateful for every moment I spent with my mama.  She was an amazing woman and I am the woman I am today because of her.  Thank you God for giving me her and her me.

Taking stock

Today's assignment is to take five minutes to be thankful for the blessings you have in your life. I feel like this post will almost be a repeat of the A - Z post so I'll try to avoid the obvious things I've already thanked for.

I'm thankful for my health.  Being sick is no fun, but being terminally ill is worse.  I can handle sickness, as long as wellness follows.



I'm thankful for my senses.  My papa became blind in his later years. I always wondered what it would be like. But I've stubbed my toe in the dark enough to make me glad that I am not.  I can't imagine living without any of my senses, and I am grateful I haven't had to.

I'm grateful for love.  "Love is the most powerful thing on earth. I've seen what it can do, and it can do amazing things. Sometimes I imagine a world where everyone knows of love that's unconditional. And what a beautiful world it is." - Unconditional 

I'm thankful for mercy. I have a sign on my bar that says "His mercies are new every morning because our messes are new every day!"   Amen to that!

I'm thankful for you.  Yes you who are reading this. Because writing these helps me to get my crap out, but having someone read it and tell me they appreciate makes me feel less alone.  When you tell me that you read my post and you related to it, then suddenly I'm not isolated. I'm in a world full of people who have the same hopes, dreams, and fears as me. And that is a pretty cool thing.