Moving on?

Mama has been gone 1 year, 3 months. That's 10,969 hours; 658,170 minutes; 39,490,200 seconds.  And still I miss her so bad at times that I will spend an entire week trying my best not to cry.  I wonder sometimes if I went to the doctor and told them how I feel if they wouldn't diagnose me as depressed and try to give me a pill to fix it.

Losing mama was the most traumatic thing I have been through thus far in my life. She wasn't just a parent to me, she was my friend. She was the first person I would call when ever I had a problem. And the first one I would call when I had some new and exciting news to share. She encouraged me, listened to me, and prayed with me, and I miss her terribly.

I confess that in the past I've been just as guilty of thinking someone who is grieving should "get over it" already. Your job will usually give you three days. You plan the memorial service, cry, and greet people you haven't seen in years, if ever. And then you're supposed to suck it up and move on. But loosing someone isn't that easy.

The night before my son had surgery on his ankle I wanted so desperately to call her. For her to tell me everything would be fine. I've heard people speak about forgetting that someone is dead so they'll start to call and realize they aren't there. I can't forget. I never forget. Every day it's a refrain that plays in my mind. "She's gone, she's gone, she's gone"  I never accidentally pick up the phone to call her. I know I can't. But I so desperately want to.  So very very badly.

The one thing her loss has taught me is that it isn't fair of me to put a timeline on grief, whether mine or someone else's.  Every single person, every relationship, is different. Whether you grieved a few days and moved on or are still grieving multiple years later, that is your journey. And it's one that we all must take on our own time and in our own way. And I don't want to feel guilty about missing my mama any more. I don't want to feel like it is wrong of me to ache at her loss.  I'll mourn for her as long as I need to, until I can move on.

Parenting Lessons I Wish I Had Learned Sooner

My children are grown. There will be no more muddy hand prints on the front door. The time when they would rush up to me and hug me tight, just because, has left. They still hug me, but now it's when they're leaving.  And sometimes, when I think back over our years together, there are some lessons I wish I had learned sooner.

"They grow up so fast."  Every person who has ever had a child has said this.  You never get it till they're almost grown. Then you desperately try to grab those moments. By the time I realized it my children were teenagers, and felt like I was smothering them; I was.  The dishes can pile up, the house may be a wreck, there will be grass to mow and bills to pay, budgets to balance and money to stress over. You will never get these days back.  Let it all go, and go play with your children.

We cuss, smoke, drink, gossip, and call people names.  And we wonder where our children get it from. You can tell them all day long. They are watching you.  Who you are will become a big part of who they will be. Your actions speak louder than your words. Use their scrutiny to become a better person, and you will, in turn, teach your child to be one.

When I grew up you did what your parents said, unquestionably.  And so when my children were younger I had this same stance. You do what I say, when I say it, because I said to do it. If I told my child to sit on the couch, I wanted them to sit in the exact spot I told them to sit in. And sit, don't lie down.  So many ridiculous battles I fought. What difference did it make which spot they were in or if they were sitting or lying down? The simple fact that they did go to the couch was obedience. Living with me at times was like living with the Borg, resistance was futile.  And when it came to questioning me about anything, that was unacceptable.

I wish I had answered the questions, why? what? how? I wish I had taken the time to teach them to ask questions, to seek answers; to learn. I had tried harder to encourage their free spirit and strong wills, rather than stamp them into my cookie cutter molds.

When DIY goes wrong...

and then right again! So earlier this year I shared a post in which I was going to try and accomplish 10 different crafts this year. The first of these was a laundry soap that I was pretty excited to try.  I actually first made this back in January but I wanted to try making it two different ways before posting so I would know what I am talking about lol  So without further adieu~

I'll start with the creamy mayonnaisy (totally a word) version of this soap.  First the directions, condensed version.

Ingredients:

1 bar Fels Naptha
1 cup 20 Mule Team Borax
1 cup Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda
2 Quart size Ball Jars (or 2 quart size somethings to put this stuff into)







Grate, chop, or otherwise disintegrate the Fels Naptha bar.  You may be able to tell but I just chopped mine up into tiny pieces. Put 1/2 of the bar into each jar and fill halfway with boiling water.

Put these out of the way and forget about them for 24 hours.  Or a week.. you know, whatever works for you.  When you finally realize you have soap congealing on the back of your sink take a butter knife and slice that stuff into chunks. Add 1/2 cup borax and 1/2 cup washing soda to each jar. Then fill to the brim with water.

The Brim ;)  

The instructions said to take the blade off of your blender and attach it to your jars. Well my blender is old, and that didn't work. So I decided I would just add the stuff to the blender.. and this is where it got tricky. See I decided to be Miss Impatient and try to do it all at once. So I had two jars almost full of this stuff and I tried dump both into the blender and managed to get about 1 and 2/3 into the blender. But then I tried to blend.  haha.. no.  My blender was not having that. It looked like a volcano on the verge of erupting with stuff bubbling out everywhere. So I had to try and get at least half of my ingredients back out of the mixer.

See that? Don't do that!

After I finally sorted this mess out, mixed everything up, and poured it into jars I wound up with a little over two jars worth.  I'm pretty sure I did something wrong.. but hey, it still worked!

The directions recommended using one tablespoon per load of laundry, which I faithfully did. And this lasted me about two months before I had to make more. And when that came around I had found these instructions on how to make this a powdered laundry soap.  Basically do almost everything the same as you did it before, minus water.  

1) Grate the Fels Naptha bar, then switch out the attachment.

 2) Put the shredded bar back into the processor, add Borax and Washing Soda. Pulse till the bar is coarsely ground and all ingredients are thoroughly mixed.

Then I poured it into a jar and voila~  Laundry Soap.   

Now just because you guys are so great and read this far, I've also been using my own homemade fabric softener. I found the recipe on The Hippy Homemaker's blog. I love that site.  And my wonderful husband has had a box of rock salts sitting around forever.  Part of a long abandoned project. I can't tell you what it was, neither of us remember. So I spent $7 on essential oils (I found them on sale at Hobby Lobby) and now my laundry is the softest it has ever been. I kid you not. I love this stuff. Plus it smells divine, and it's even easier to make than the laundry soap.

Add one cup of Rock salts to whatever you'll be keeping them in. Add 20 drops each of your essential oils, I used Lemongrass and Lavender.  Shake well. Add 1 teaspoon to each load of laundry. That's it.  Easy peasy!

She adds it to her laundry soap, which would probably work great. I kept it separate because I wasn't sure how well it would work, I have been pleasantly surprised!

Now for your questions:

Does the laundry soap work?
Yes, it actually does, and very well. We're a messy family. Heck I need a bib to eat about half the time or I wear my food. And my boys are rough and tumble guys who work outside. One works with a utility crew so he digs a lot of ditches (think lots of mud on his clothes). And the other works with a grounds maintenance crew so his clothes have a lot of grass/dirt/anything flying around outside on them.  I haven't been disappointed even once while using this. If you like perfumy laundry soaps then this may not be for you. Or maybe there is a way to add fragrance. I dunno. I was already using unscented laundry detergent. And this is kinda like that. It comes out of the washer smelling... clean.  Does that make sense?

Is it worth it?

Totally. I was using All Mighty Pacs before trying this out and I had managed to make a bag of 48 last a month and a half. (Which was good).  But at $9.99 I was paying around $0.21 per load. With this soap I average about $0.07 per load.  And my clothes are clean and smell good.  Why wouldn't I keep using this?

Powdered or Mayonnaise blend?

Honestly for me. I am going powdered. There isn't a difference between the two as far as cleaning ability or smell.  For me it's all about ease of use. The powdered version is easier to make. I did it in about 15 minutes. And it's easier to use. At first the mayo blend isn't that bad. But when you get further down into the jar you either need a long spoon or you're gonna be a mess trying to get that out.  So the powdered works better for me as far as that goes.  

What about the fabric softener?

I love it. It gives our clothes a faint lavender/lemon scent and it really does soften them! I was pleasantly surprised by that fact.  

These two have now become staples at my house. I haven't bought washing powders/liquid or fabric softener in six months. And I don't plan on going back!

From The Lake

Once upon a time there was a wonderful composer named Bobby Richeson. And Mr. Richeson had a dream. He dreamed of writing a rock instrumental that would appeal to the music lover in all of us.  He wanted to write something that would not only be his legacy. But touch people in the way that only music can. And from that dream From The Lake was born.

Bobby has been working on this project for years and I have been on the sidelines cheer leading to keep him going. He's a humble man and has no faith in his talent (though why not is beyond me).   And now that he has begun recording he needs our help. Don't get me wrong folks, he's fiercely independent and will finish this recording with or without us. But with our help it will be done sooner. And who doesn't love making someone's dream come true?

You don't have to be rich. You don't have to give even $10.  Only have $2 to give?  Give $2, $5, whatever you have will help.  If you can drop $4 on a Starbucks coffee, won't you give to help fill the world with beautiful music? And while you're at it, like the Facebook page. You'll be kept up to date on all the latest developments.  I gave, will you do the same?

PS. Just in case you missed it click here and listen, he did each of those in about a week.

10 things I hope to accomplish this year

I am not much of a New Year's Resolution gal. Mostly because I never end up keeping them anyways, so why bother making them?  A couple of weeks ago I was clicking from link to link skipping through the web one craft page at a time when I hit a really interesting post. I have tried in vain to find it again because I really wanted to share it here.  This crafty woman had made a list of 12 things she wanted to accomplish throughout the year. I happened to catch the year end version of this where she was detailing said crafts and the various blog posts about them.  One craft a month is a bit too ambitious for me. Heck the list I made for myself is a bit too ambitious for me.  But I thought, why not?  So throwing caution to the wind here are the ten things I hope to make/do this year:

Photo by Liss Burnell Budget101.com

I found this recipe when someone posted it on facebook. The thing that sold me on trying it was another mother whose son apparently works in fast food. And nothing had removed that fast food grease smell from his work clothes, except this! (or so she claimed) Well with three fast food workers in my house at the moment I could surely use something that will get that smell out. I'll actually be doing this really soon, I've already bought all of my supplies and I'm just trying to get motivated to make it.  Soon....

Photo by Marlena Rookiemag.com

Isn't that just awesome?  And it's knitted on your fingers!  I mean daaang. I plan to go through my yarn and try this one out ASAP. It just looks too cool not to do.

Photo by Emily @ Yesterdayssweetheart.com

I have a butterfly punch that I've been looking for a project for. So this was added to my to do list. 

Photo by Darlene Schacht @ Timewarpwife.com

I'm a big girl. I know y'all didn't know that because I keep it such a secret. And when I cook or clean, I make a mess. Usually a big one.  But it is really, really hard to find an apron that I like or that fits me. I love this pattern, it seems fairly simple and I think I can measure my fabric to fit me the way I want. So I'm going to give this a shot. 

Photo by Little Birdies @ makeandtakes.com

I have gotten out of the habit of making a meal plan, but that is wreaking havoc on my diet and my life. Things are so much easier when I can just glance at a sheet and know what I need to do for that day.  And I love this idea. I plan to add magnets to the back of it so I can put it on my refrigerator. We'll see how that works out.

Photo by Ashley @ makeit-loveit.com

Come on, admit it. That just looks cool as heck and you want to try it to! 

Ok confession time. I live in a mud pit. I do not say that lightly.  The path that leads from where we park (which is solid red mud when it rains) to the porch has no walkway. There used to be grass there but after years of people walking the same path the grass has died and now it's just mud.  I also want to get some gravel for our driveway/parking area.  But I can do this project fairly cheaply and at least we won't be walking in mud the whole way, right? OK shut up, I know we need to get some gravel.  

Photo by Tamara Kelly @ mooblyblog.com

Crochet Bubble Blanket isn't exactly the technical term for this blanket. But look at it. Shouldn't it be called that? I mean seriously, that's just what it is.  The pattern here is for a baby blanket, but I'm thinking if I double the amount of initial chain then maybe I can get a nice throw out of it. It's worth a shot.  That is if I can ever get myself motivated to start it. Then to keep at it. I swore I was never doing a blanket again. We'll see if I actually do this one.

Photo by don_mae @ thisyearsdozen.wordpress.com

My mama used to make these all the time. We had so many of them and I couldn't tell you where a single one is now. My dad now has all of mama's houseplants and so I thought I'd try my hand at making one for him. If it goes well I may do more than one. But let's not get ahead of ourselves here. We all know that I'm all talk and very little action.

                                 

Ok no pics on this one because the current state of the bathroom is deplorable. Besides you'll see it when we do the reno.  The kids bathroom is tiny. And I don't mean like "Oh my bathroom is so little, I just have no idea what to do with it" When it has a double sink, linen closet, and a separate bathtub and shower. I mean 8x10, barely enough room to move, TINY!  And though the room won't actually get any bigger it, like most of this house, is in a state of disrepair.  And I'm tired of it. I'm really tired of living in a house that looks like it should be condemned. So I chose the thing that I felt I could go after cheapest and easiest to do first. The kids bathroom.  I'll detail what we'll be doing when and if I do a post about this. Which I do plan to do. But ya know, I plan a lot of things.  Happy new year!