Merry Christmas Mama

As Christmas draws ever nearer my days get longer and harder to deal with. Mama was born December 24th.  She was a Christmas Eve baby and I can't remember ever really celebrating her birthday with her. Of course we all would wish her happy birthday. And we would give her a gift when we were able. But there were no parties, no family dinners. It was always just lumped in with Christmas celebrations. How sad is that?  I regret that now, though I never gave it another thought then.  And I'm sure that she didn't either.

Christmas was mamas favorite time of the year.  She loved it. When she was still healthy and able the phrase "deck the halls" doesn't even begin to touch what she did. Mandy Lou always said that it looked like Santa puked all over the place lol. She decorated every tree she had in the yard. She would have a huge wreath hanging on the side of her house. Every single surface would be covered in tinsel and decorations. And when the day came she loooved the presents. Her greatest joy was watching the kids open theirs. And our greatest joy was watching her open hers. No matter what you gave mama she cried lol.  I remember one Mothers day we made her a DVD and gave it to her inside a box of tissues. We knew she'd need them. But you could give her anything and it could have been given the same way, with a box of tissues.  She loved the personal gifts the best. Things that you didn't necessarily buy but that you took the time to make for her. A letter, a card, a drawing; she loved and saved them all.

My Christmas spirit isn't gone, just running from me. I still love the holiday. I am anxiously looking forward to my kids opening their gifts.  But I find myself crying more, wishing she were here more often. All holidays may be difficult, but this will be the hardest for me. Because I always associated Christmas with mama. To me she embodied the very spirit of Christmas. And with her gone it's really hard to catch it.

I love you mama, Merry Christmas.