Scotty, I need more power!

Willpower that is.  I have the strong urge to write here that Iam doing well on my diet. That I am really trying to lose weight.  I really do want to. And I know what to do. It's the doing that is causing me issues. My plan is simple. Cut out sodas, junk food, and processed foods. Eat more fruits and vegetables and exercise daily.  This, I figure, will net me the body that I want. It won't be easy, but it should be doable.  Cutting out sodas is fairly easy now. At one point they were my hardest point. But I've gone without them so long that now when I drink one it doesn't give me the same "OH MY GOD THIS IS SO GOOD" feeling that it once did.  Junk food now.  That on the other hand....

This cartoon is by Dave Walker.

And usually while taking a little look on the internet for some motivation, I grab a snack. A cookie, a bowl of cereal. Pretty much anything I can find that is sweet.  Now maybe you're thinking, this is simple, just don't buy that stuff. Well yeah, in a perfect world but I have 3 children.  I try not to buy sugary cereals, cookies, and junk food in general. But then I get these cravings...

Courtesy of: Qnica on deviantART

Yeah it's pretty much like that. I feel like I can't stand it. I MUST have sweets and everything is fair game. If we don't have any cookies on hand, I'll eat cereal. If we don't have anything I'll bake up something sweet.  I definitely need willpower.   

I'm frustrated with myself because I know what to do. I'm almost 40 so losing weight isn't as easy for me as it is for someone younger. But I have seen results when I stick to my diet. If I mind my calories, avoid the crap, and work out daily then I lose weight. No not fast, but I don't want to lose fast anyways. But here lately I haven't done any of that. I've ate far too many cookies and far too few fruits and vegetables. And lately my favorite word is "tomorrow".  Tomorrow I will do better. Tomorrow I will leave the cookies alone. Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow.  Yet tomorrow never comes. And I just get more frustrated with myself for the crappy choices I am making.  And I demean myself too. When I go out to buy the junk food (and oh yes, I make a special trip to the store sometimes just for junk food) I think to myself, "I know what they're thinking.  They're all thinking 'look at that fat woman, she doesn't need any more junk food.'"  

Photo credit: colros / Foter.com / CC BY

I'm mentally kicking myself for knowing what to do and yet not doing it. I realize no one can make these changes except for me. And I need to do better.  I am quickly becoming that woman that took an entire box of cookies to her room, hid and eat it. The woman who would hide candy bars in her purse and eat them whenever she was alone. One thing I do know is that I never want to be her again.  I can do this, I need to quit whining and making stuipd decisions and do it. My tomorrow starts today. Wish me luck!