Tidbits - Episode 1

Many times I think of random bits of information that I want to share, but they aren't really enough to make a blog post.  I call these tidbits.  And so, when I've accumulated enough of my little tidbits to make a post, you'll have a Tidbits Episode ;)


~ Sometimes, when dealing with my mother's cancer, I feel completely alone. Today we went to a doctor's appointment and once again rehashed the whole stage 3/4 conversation with the doctor. And while he didn't come right out and say stage 4, he did say that is "one of my biggest concerns".  Which makes me think he's leaning more in that direction now. So I came home sort of depressed and wishing I could reach out to someone.  My husband was at work, and what could he do anyways? Couldn't call him.  My brother and sister basically deal with the situation by pretending it doesn't exist (and so do I 99% of the time). And I didn't want to start them worrying as I was. I could call up a friend, but why? They could do nothing for me, and I know how helpless it feels when you want to help someone and you can't. So I was sad about mama and feeling sorry for myself when my youngest son asked me what was wrong. I cried and told him. He gave me a big hug and said it would be ok.   You know, sometimes I close myself off and get on a pity party for no reason.  My friends may not know how to help me, and my siblings may be struggling with this too. But they're there for me. All I have to do is ask.

~ For about a month a little while back I stayed up late waiting for my husband to get home from work. During this time I would start craving a snack around 10 o'clock.  It was never anything really big. A small bowl of cereal, a cookie, sometimes fruit.  But it was always something sweet.  After a month of doing this it became a habit.  And since I've started trying to get into shape again, and I am serious this time, I am trying to kick this habit. It is really hard!  I've actually started going to bed earlier, so most of the time I'm asleep by 10. But if I am awake, you can set your watch by it. Around 10pm my body starts hinting that it would like something sweet. And I start mentally tallying what we have that I would like.  Then I have to mentally slap myself. "QUIT IT!" I say.  I'm not gonna be that person anymore. But wow, the 10 o'clock munchies are rough!

~ And on that subject, I lost 2 more pounds. Woohoo, go me!  I'm down to 272 now. Which is awesome, but seeing that I was 265 and then gained 10 and am now trying to lose again what I already lost.. well,  you get the picture. So instead of whining about where I was, I've set a new goal. 270.  I figure I'll take this thing in 10 pound increments. That way I don't get overwhelmed and I can get to them quicker.  So yeah, 2 more pounds to my first goal!

~ I want to do a blog post soon about my day. I feel like I am in a solid run from morning till night, every day.  But when I type out what I do, it seems so.. little. I keep thinking people will read that and be like, "That's it? That's what you do all day? I could wrap that up in a couple of hours"  Maybe I'll do a week instead lol.

~ Finding time to blog is also a bit of a challenge. I want to update this thing regularly, but at the same time, I don't want to neglect my house, my family, or my diet to do so.  So I get frustrated thinking about how I need to do an update, and then I get frustrated because I am spending time writing that I could be using to do something else. It's an ugly cycle.